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Gray in L.A.: Dear okay STUPID — I Really Don’t Know You | HuffPost Article 50

OK, I declare it. I have already been for the dating zoo for a while — with a certain shortage of excitement and a good show of ambivalence. You probably know how its. I really like becoming solitary, but wouldn’t mind matchmaking. And like other other individuals I happened to be as well cheap to pay money for some web pages who promise that you eventually discover missing 1 / 2 of your self (I personally have not missing any piece of me) as some 64-year-old rotund “readiforlove” guy from Tarzana, CA, with a jaunty hat and a Cocker Spaniel… and also afraid consider Tinder and as a consequence being offered excess adventurous intercourse with a hot-blooded way too youthful “cupidangelo” exactly who likes to check out “all there is certainly.”

Thus I finalized on free-of-charge to the dating internet site okay STUPID. Did We say STUPID? Yes, i assume I did, because it’s. It isn’t merely that also the infamously online game CUPID himself will not be observed in activity indeed there by anyone I’ve ever talked to – and frankly, i cannot pin the blame on him. This is the OK-men who will be generally depressing and are now living in a global I don’t comprehend for longevity of me.

I cannot grumble about moderate to passionate comments and attention. I get a good level of mails from guys between 32 and 78. I actually do have a pretty picture posted (and do not lay about my age).

Past, there was one Barry, 70, from Bakersfield, an integral part of L.A. i have been informed about — no, maybe not gangs, but boredom. The guy produces: “Hello cheerful face!” That’s all. I guess that’s great and reminds me of this lame outdated James Taylor tune “Whenever I visit your cheerful face”. James is probably about my personal age. Possibly he’s privately on okay?

What’s going on? Precisely what do these guys desire from me? One was actually “looking for a levelheaded girl” – which is positively me personally. A 22-year-old just said: “Why don’t we hang out sometime! I will handle something!” That’s the character! But, I declined. Another pleaded: “Tired of residing alone… Kindly, arrive save your self me personally!” Nope. Avoid, bud. Nevertheless they want to buy all: Trust, faithfulness, commitment, Christianity, kindness, selflessness. I must be understanding, clean, sexy, modest, playful, humorous, honest, rather smart, and love his puppy, young ones, granny, nature, the water and Italian meals. They will have a lot to supply, too, mainly manly comprehension for all the female heart that is alien in their mind. And additionally they display. A great deal. In their summary people say things such as this:

The very first situations men and women normally see about me: My sensitive and painful arms and my naturally rosy face

The six situations I could never ever carry out without: air, liquid, coffee, sex, using up man, pizza

I fork out a lot of time considering: You and the way I can get you to loan myself some funds

On an average Friday night Im: enjoying pornography while ingesting popcorn

I made only the last two things up.

I believe I speak for almost all females when I recommend guys to not begin a conversation with only “hi” or “Hi, fairly girl, how had been ur day,” or “love a talk?” or “should I know you, kindly?” No, you certainly can not thereupon sentence structure! Additionally, please, no photos of car, ex-wives, mom, greatest pal, dogs in sweaters, visiting anywhere, especially perhaps not snorkeling photographs, theme parks, having one cup of drink within hand, costume outfit celebration pix, selfie in restroom mirror with bath curtain, patting a horse, hugging a youngster or playing an instrument, OK?

Very, so now you would like to know: performed I date fundamentally? Yes, used to do. Absolutely nothing also exciting happened. As usual, the males (all-over 60) had lied regarding their level in addition to their tresses, meaning they certainly were shorter and had less locks (I heard that women typically lie regarding their body weight as well as their get older). The discussions had been polite but tepid, all men used sunglasses as well as their tops over their own jeans, and all had been agitated that There isn’t a car. Thus, I happened to be the peculiar puzzle girl. I really like that. I went home, thinking each time: “I’m actually maybe not searching for somebody.”

So these are typically my methods for incorrigible those who are unable to keep away from dating site for older folks. To remain, search and play the online game only if you:


Have lots of time to waste plus the patience of a saint.


Know a translator or language professional to understand the insane, inane sentence structure of this prospects.


Have actually a jolly disposition and a forgiving heart.


Don’t worry about photographs of tanned old dudes in tank surfaces and “cool off” large cargo shorts seated on shrill-colored motorbikes.


You shouldn’t worry about photos of jovial pensioners in running meets and sandals going to Disneyland and hugging Goofy.


Cannot care about blurry phone-selfies of annoyed young guys in t-shirts and wool limits viewing television during sex and ingesting treats.


Are easily taken by a “self summary” of likes that features “a great cup of wine”, “like to cuddle”, “looking for an intense rooted relationship”, what “nurture”, “show” and “passion forever” – hence tend to be longer than “missing using the Wind” but lack Rhett and Scarlett’s chemistry.


Actually, love to hike with a complete stranger inside the Santa Monica Mountains.


Love to receive backlinks to animal-related films three times on a daily basis that are finalized with “lol.”


Believe in wonders.

I have realized that overall it is not about learning someone, it is more about putting your individual aspirations


someone and watch if they stick.

Very, to help make a manner too long matchmaking story short and unveil in OK STUPID style

“By Far The Most private thing I’m willing to admit”: Sorry to say making use of words of Bob Dylan, themselves a 70-plus guy: “It is not me personally, babe!”

Today, with Bob themselves, that’s another tale. Is actually the guy matchmaking? The guy appears like a cranky man but he could be rich and I also like his pencil-moustache, Cowboy jackets with his cap. Their tracks, also.

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